The College Kid
Sloth's Biography


The Snitch
Party Themes
Free Prize Give-Away!
Gary Coleman's Biography
TV's Webster Has New Image!
Buy My Awesome T-Shirts
The Unibrow
Thankles & Cankles
Alcohol Warnings
Turd Dictionary
Mr. T's Biography
Barney's Drinking Games
Sloth's Biography
Contact Me
How To Wake Up From A Hangover
People of the Year
Bodyguards For Rent

He's provided me with so many laughs and good memories. It's only suiting that his story be told...

The parental neglect of Ma Fratelli, dropping Sloth as a baby, the aftermath as the rest of the family becomes thieves to fund his plastic surgery, rejection from society, and eventually from his own family. This is a tragic tale, but it gave way to a enduring fan club not realized until 15 years later.

Sloth was born Jude Fratelli on Jan. 12th, 1962. Ma Fratelli planned on having a home delivery, but complications had arisen. She was rushed to the hospital whereupon she was promptly given a C-section. The neworn Jude was 15 pounds, 12 ounces...

Jude was a very complying child, but Ma's pension for booze, man-whores, and crime rendered her an incapable mother. One night after a raging kegger, Ma arrived to home to a crying Jude. The stench of booze on her breath only foreshadowed the events to come. She hastily grabbed the child and rushed down the stairs...The rest is history. Ma suffered minor cuts and bruises while Jude was left with a debilitating injury that would haunt him for the rest of his life.


Jude's injury not damaged his physical appearance, but interferred with his cognition as well. He was held back many times and placed into special education classes. His cruel and unwanting teachers appropriately dubbed him "Sloth".

Sloth underwent years psychological torture without relent as his two brothers (Francis & Jake), Ma, and his classmates and teachers all but abandoned this poor soul.

It wasn't until high school that Sloth found his niche. The streamline design of his head allowed him to cut through water with an uncanny speed. Just as his awards piled up, so did the letters from colleges who overlooked over his intelligence level. Ma became spiteful of his success...


As his mother and brothers' apparant involvement crime became evident, it was almost impossile for Sloth to escape unscathed. In the avoidance of Sloth babbling, they conjured up the malicious lie that they were looting to save up for his facial reconstruction surgery. Eventually, they thought it was too risky to let Sloth mingle freely among the public, so they chained him into captivity like a wild animal. (Watch Goonies to see how the rest turns out)


The Real Sloth

The real Sloth was played by John Matuszak, a Wisconsin-born football player. Actually, that's an understatement: as Houston's number one pick in the 1973 NFL draft, he was a wildly unpredictable defensive lineman for the Raiders, and a veteran of two Super Bowls. Like many of his calling, Matuszak decided to try the movies, beginning with a good part in the football-oriented North Dallas Forty (1979). Matuszak became a successful film and TV performer after his 1982 retirement from professional sports, playing character roles in fantasy films like Ice Pirates (1984) and Goonies (1986), and making regular appearances on the TV series Hollywood Beat and First and Ten. Sadly, John Matuszak died of AIDS at the age of 38. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide


The transfromation from Matuszak to Sloth