The Stupid College Kid


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Bodyguards for Rent

The Stupid College Kid can provide goons to protect yo' ass in case you happen to get in a bar brawl.



This warrior princess look-alike will get you out of most hairy situations, that is if she makes it passed the doorman. Not only can she down beer with the best of 'em, she's got a big fricken' sword too! Although this beauty doesn't come cheap she includes a special package when the night is over, ehem...Make sure you're really drunk...


The Hair Queen

This follicle-clad beast will deter any aggressor, maybe even you if you can't stomach her company! Her patented head and leg locks have left many in the morgue, but she does have one weakness...A pair of clippers.



This little guy may not be 21, but I'm pretty sure anyone working the door will be pissing their pants at the sight of old Timbo. This vicious dude prefers shots of Beam over breast milk any day, and he'll bust skulls if the price is right.



Granny Stretch

A master of many traditional martial arts, Granny Stretch is a deceiving force. However, she is very hard to get a hold of, as her schedule is usually full. Hollywood is her other passion, and you may have seen her in episodes of Dragon Ball Z, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, and her latest debute- Granny Kicks Back.


Gashouse Gorillas

Formally a wrestling team banned by the WWF for their unethical conduct, the Gashouse Gorilllas now spend most of their days earning money as bodyguards. However, these clydesdales don't come cheap. They unfortunately include beer expenses on the bill, and remember there are five of 'em!