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Written by Contributing Editor, Robbie Howard

Feast your eyes at this lovely eyebrow plumage


We live today in a world filled with mystery, filled with the unknown. As mere men we know that we cannot answer all of the riddles presented to us, yet it is our duty, our mission to seek answers, to fill the void of ignorance. It is in this abyss that the questions that plague humanity are retrieved to be unraveled. Such dilemmas as why we exist, our meaning on earth, what makes up the universe, or what meaning God found in his creation of the uni-brow. In this treatise I will focus solely on the latter question, for it is the enigma that creates the most confusion and disillusionment within our contemporary society. Why, when our savior created everything in pairs, did the single eye-brow appear? That patch of unruly hair has left many disheartened and lost, searching for reason. I will attempt here to provide the answers that many have sought, but few have grasped

Jim Henson's cruel mockery of this phenomenon


Man is a fearful creature, what we do not know, what we do not understand, we run away from, hiding where knowledge cannot find us. Yet, we must not run away from this question, we must face our fears, our nightmares. The Uni-brow infringes upon our dreams, awakening us into a world where a different kind of man can be found, an unnatural man, a man with one eyebrow. We ask ourselves, why was this ghastly, insipient feature created. It just does not make sense. Two eyes, two eyebrows, do the math; it always works out the same. What haunts me, weighs upon my troubled mind is the fact that a solution is out there. The existence of uni-brows is not inevitable. Science and medicine, our most gifted minds, throughout history they too have sought answers. They have had the vision, sought the cures that would allow for the day to come when one could walk down the streets, rejoicing in the symmetry of the human face.  It is truly simple. A tweezer, a little wax, yes it is painful, yet not as painful as the look of anguish on a small childs face when they are forced to witness this unrighteous growth. Why do we sit around and accept the unacceptable? It must end. On the horizon I see rebellion, a just war against an institution that has remained within our society for too long. Yes, grab your tweezers, heat up that wax, the time has come, the call to arms has been sounded. Will we pass the gauntlet or run through it to find a world where dreams are no longer hindered and shackled, where the eyebrows of a small minority no longer dictate the destiny of man. May God lead us on this journey to find the truth, to find meaning in a world where hope has been extinguished by one uniform and of hair